I am not diagnosed with (Asperger's), high-functioning autism, or any other condition that could be placed under the umbrella of the term neurodivergent. Kids of my generation, born in the early '80s, didn't get diagnosed as readily and frequently as kids today. It was mostly the severe cases of autism or ADHD that were diagnosed. And this isn't a discussion or commentary on why this was the case. Although, I'm sure there are many factors involved in why neurodivergency was not diagnosed in the early '80s like it is today. With all that said, I can say with a high degree of confidence that my self-identification as neurodivergent in some way, shape, or form is accurate.
Through the years, as I learned more about traits commonly associated with neurodivergency, I started to pool together more and more that I felt matched my experience of life. Qualities and traits not just of ASD, but many other traits under that broad umbrella. Traits of those who are non-neurotypical. And you can ask just about anybody that knows me whether or not they feel that I have an atypical thought process or way of thinking. 😅
The one that has been on my mind a lot this past week is what's called a hyperfixation. I look at this quality as a superpower with a dash of curse. To be so locked in on something that it becomes your every waking thought allows you to learn more, in a short amount of time, about a specific topic than many people will ever know in their life. Sometimes it seems to last longer than other times. This would be a pure superpower if you had any say so or choice in what you become obsessed with. Unfortunately, it doesn't seem to work like that. Not for me, at least. And that would be the dash of curse. One day I want to know everything there is to know about the impact of oxytocin on mammalian behavior. And then, just like that, reading research papers on the topic just doesn't sound as interesting as it did a day or two prior; however, the origin, composition, and location of well-known local glacial erratics suddenly grows in importance and begins to dominate my thoughts.
These hyperfixations can last anywhere from a short time, like 30 minutes, to long-term ones that, in my experience, can last months. And in one or two areas, they just became parts of my interests and passions. And I'm not entirely sure how, where, when, or if there is a clear and distinct line. My interest in mycology became one of my longer-term hyperfixations, especially in the form of mushroom identification. And this is where I am unsure whether there is a clear distinction or point that it transitions from being something that I am abnormally obsessed with to just being an interest, something that I like.
Mad Daft Wanders wandered its way into my mind two weeks ago, and has become a full-fledged hyperfixation. It started with wanting to create a blog under the name Mad Daft. Then it became a travel and backpacking blog. And two weeks later, I have waded into web design. Learning about DNS entries, their function and types, and how to create them for different reasons. Then, the past few days, it shifted into logo design and translating a rasterized image to a vector format so that I can scale it as needed. I own three domains... a .com, .org, and .net... I locked in social media accounts under Mad Daft Wanders from FB, IG, TikTok, YouTube Channel, Threads, Reddit, Substack, Twitch, Blogger, Discord, Pinterest, VSCO, Flickr, DeviantArt, a Google Business, and I think one or two others... then a Venmo, Etsy, and Patreon. Not because I needed them. Just because I was locked in. What in the world would I need a Twitch account for a travel and backpacking blog?!?!?
Looking back to when it first started, this current fixation, at the end of week two of spending all day applying for jobs. I was pulling like 10–12 hour days, first getting my resume updated and fine-tuned, then submitting applications. Like, I was applying for jobs I really wanted and writing cover letters. Now that I think about it, just before Mad Daft Wanders entered the scene, my fixation was the job hunt. After a week and a half of this, I was getting really burnt out. I was getting very frustrated. At this point, I hadn't really got any responses, so I was getting discouraged. In all honesty, Mad Daft Wanders, and my hyperfixation on that concept and topic, was most definitely a manifestation of avoidance coping.
And coming to that realization as a result of self-reflection and self-honesty, as I sit up at 1:00 AM... hyperfixating... made me realize that I need to go to bed. I need to take look at this realization tomorrow.
Not the idea of hiking being the unhealthy coping, but the level of focus I place on the formation of the "brand" idea instead of allowing myself to feel the feelings of frustration and disappointment.
-Mad Daft
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